Talking to Kids About Big Feelings
Talking to Kids About Big Feelings: Anxiety, Fear, and Anger
As parents, we want our children to be happy, carefree, and full of joy. But life doesn’t always work that way. Kids experience big emotions just like we do. Anxiety, fear, and anger can be tough to navigate, but with the right approach, we can help our children understand and manage their feelings in a healthy way.
Why Big Feelings Matter
Big emotions aren’t bad; they’re a natural part of growing up. When children learn how to express their emotions properly, they develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and confidence. The key is to help them recognize what they’re feeling and give them the tools to handle those emotions constructively.
Helping Kids Understand Anxiety
What It Looks Like
Anxiety in kids can show up in different ways: tummy aches before school, trouble sleeping, constant worry about small things, or reluctance to try new activities.
How to Talk About It
Instead of saying, “Don’t worry about it!” try acknowledging their feelings:
✔ “I can see that you’re feeling worried about going to the dentist. That’s okay! A lot of people feel that way. Want to talk about it?”
This helps them feel heard and opens the door for discussion.
How to Help
Name It to Tame It: Encourage your child to describe their anxiety. Saying, “I feel nervous,” can make it feel less overwhelming.
Breathe It Out: Teach them simple breathing techniques. Try the “smell the flower, blow out the candle” method—inhale through the nose like smelling a flower, then exhale like blowing out a candle.
Create a Worry Jar: Let your child write or draw their worries and put them in a jar. This externalizes their anxiety and makes it feel more manageable.
Helping Kids Face Their Fears
What It Looks Like
Fear is a natural response, but sometimes it holds kids back from fun experiences. Common childhood fears include the dark, monsters, new places, or being away from parents.
How to Talk About It
Instead of dismissing their fear (“There’s nothing to be afraid of!”), validate it and offer reassurance:
✔ “That dark corner looks a little spooky, doesn’t it? What could we do to make it feel cozier?”
This helps kids feel safe while working through their fears.
How to Help
Turn It into a Game: If your child is afraid of monsters under the bed, grab a “monster spray” (just water in a spray bottle) and let them spray before bed. A little imagination goes a long way!
Face It Gradually: If they’re afraid of the dark, try dim lights before moving to full darkness. If they fear dogs, start with pictures before meeting a small, calm dog in person.
Bravery Badges: Praise small steps toward facing fears. Sticker charts or “bravery badges” (a fun drawing or sticker) can make them feel like superheroes!
Helping Kids Manage Anger
What It Looks Like
Anger in kids can show up as yelling, hitting, throwing things, or even silent sulking. It’s a normal emotion, but they need guidance to express it appropriately.
How to Talk About It
Instead of saying, “Calm down!” (which never works, right?), try:
✔ “I see you’re really angry right now. Let’s figure out what’s going on.”
This acknowledges their feelings and shifts their focus from reacting to problem-solving.
How to Help
Use the Traffic Light Method:
🛑 Red (Stop!): Take a deep breath and pause before reacting.
⚠️ Yellow (Think!): Ask, “What’s making me feel this way?”
✅ Green (Go!): Find a safe way to express it, like talking, drawing, or taking a break.
Teach Safe Outlets: Running outside, squeezing a pillow, or dancing to music can help release pent-up anger.
Create a Calm-Down Space: A cozy corner with pillows, books, or fidget toys gives kids a safe place to self-regulate.
The Power of Modelling
Children learn how to handle emotions by watching us. If we yell when we’re angry or bottle up our feelings, they’ll do the same. Instead, model healthy emotional responses: ✔ “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take some deep breaths before I talk about it.”
Easier said than done, I know, but if nothing changes, nothing changes… so why not give it a go?
Final Thoughts
Big feelings don’t have to be scary. By validating emotions, offering tools, and teaching coping skills, we help our kids become emotionally strong and resilient. And hey, we might just learn a thing or two ourselves!
